Friday, October 31, 2008

Feeling dangerously snacky

Very stressful morning that's been plaguing me today. I lost my temper while dealing with a health insurance issue this morning and it's got me wound up pretty tight. I hate when my emotions get the better of me. Instead of running to the pantry, I ran into the bathroom and started cleaning and moved through the house until it was fairly spotless. I had my fresh juice and a sensible lunch. Dinner was particularly lovely with marinated and grilled chicken breasts, steamed asparagus spears and a really nice harvest grain blend from Trader Joe's that was marvelous. I just made a cup of peppermint tea with Alaska raw honey to take the edge off. It's helping as is typing this up. I know there will be plenty more days like today but I'll take them one at a time.

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Yeast Die Off

I knew it would come and it's here. The yeast die-off. Less sugar=better sleep for me, and although I have been getting really good quality sleep, I feel so tired. Every joint in my body is aching and I feel like I'm trying to think through mud. I just have this shift to get through and I have three days off. I haven't booked my schedule for next month, so I may leave Monday off, too. Hopefully this means that the supplements are working to kill the yeast and bulk up the good flora in my system. I'm going to keep at it and see how it goes.

Monday, October 27, 2008

Monday Weigh-In

Color me surprised! 268.5 for a running total of 8.5 pounds gone. Not too shabby. Must go juice and do laundry for it's back to work this afternoon. :P

Sunday, October 26, 2008


I'm not much of a hypochondriac, I hate going to the doctor and I don't like to take medication. Work in the medical profession long enough and you'll see what blind faith in the AMA will lead to. But I've always suspected that I suffer from candida overgrowth, I have many of the symptoms and my long-time sugar and bad carb diet makes my body a very happy home for the little yeasty buggers.

In searching for something to help kill the yeast and encourage the good bacteria in my body, I came across a regimen by Kelley Eidem. It seemed to make a lot of sense and I liked that he wasn't trying to sell me his supplements. Outlined here, I purchased olive leaf extract, capyrilic acid, glutamine, a probiotic and a multi-enzyme. I'm going to take the supplements for two months but keep the probiotic in my routine, because I'll take all the extra support I can get. I went with supplements from Swanson health products because it was one stop shopping, good quality with reasonable prices and the shipping was super fast. I don't look forward to the yeast die off symptoms, but I look forward to seeing how I feel after a couple of months.

What a week!

I can't believe I haven't had a moment to catch up here. It's been a very busy week, but a good week. Despite working lots of hours, I haven't skipped a day of juicing and I've worked raw fruits and veggies into my meals or snacks throughout the week. The withdrawal symptoms from sugar are starting to abate, I'm starting to feel that calm that I only ever feel when I'm eating less sugar. I did have dinner out on Friday as we were celebrating a good friend's 40th. I had cake, a nice meal and lots of likker. I don't know what it was about it, but I didn't overeat nor did I finish my cake. ME?! Leave cake?! This is some sort of breakthrough for me. I've been working on Paul McKenna's 4 golden rules, so maybe that was it.

Things aren't looking great on the exercise front, but small steps, small changes have been working wonders so far. I did buy a resistance band at Target yesterday and I measured a loop around my block to start walking. It's fairly flat one-half mile that might be a good place for me to start. Prevention magazine's website has lots of information on walking for fitness as well as a personalized walking workout with a calendar. I need to do mine, print it and take that first step.

Tomorrow is the weigh-in!

Monday, October 20, 2008

Monday Weigh-In

It's been a surprisingly decent week. Eating less sugar definitely improves my emotional stability, which is a double-plus because last week was my PMS week. I did have some sugar withdrawal and PMS, which meant moderate headache with moderate to severe body ache and I could not seem to get enough sleep.

Nitty-gritty time: 271 pounds, net loss of 6 pounds. Granted the majority of that is water. I've not been hungry or had a white knuckle moment once all week because once that starts it ends ugly. Still haven't figured exercise into the equation yet, though. I'm going to start tracking my measurements once I do. Joy.

Sunday, October 19, 2008


I'm a sugar addict, my sweet tooth is completely unruly. I've been making careful efforts to tame it without making it rebel in a bad way.

I love gobs of honey in my tea but this week I've been conscious of measuring a level teaspoon into my mug instead of just squeezing the bottle with reckless abandon. As the week progressed I started to become accustomed to the subtle sweetness of less honey while still being able to notice the flavor of the honey. This is a good thing because the box of 10 different honeys from the forum honey swap arrived yesterday.

Since I've been reducing sugar and processed carbs, I've been trying out "alternative" sugar substitutes (trying to avoid Splenda and NutraSweet) to sweeten my coffee. I cannot, no matter how I try, drink my coffee without sweetener. Xlyosweet (purchased at Whole Foods) and Stevia (packets from Trader Joe's) are the two I've been playing with this week. Xylosweet tastes pretty nice, not much of an aftertaste but just a teaspoon can have a nasty "cha-cha-cha" side effect. Stevia is quite sweet and a bit bitter, it makes tea taste horrible but works with the coffee fairly well. Don't quote me on this, but I think the Stevia may work as somewhat of an appetite suppressant. I need to inspectigate this further.

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Prior Preparation Prevents Piss Poor Performance

This is a little catch phrase that my husband is fond of. I thought I would give it a go in the kitchen. I spent a good portion of the weekend and Monday preparing healthy breakfasts for the week, putting up marinated chicken frozen in individual portions, made a huge batch of soup (which came out delectable, despite my not realizing how much 2 pounds of dried black eyed peas will expand when soaked overnight) and divided it into containers in the fridge and freezer, and pre-washed and divided up all the fruit and veg so it would cut my juicing time down in the morning.

In all honesty, by Monday afternoon I was so completely wrecked that the thought of going back in the kitchen was not one I relished. But it's now Thursday and I'm so pleased about the time I've spent. I stayed away from the drive-thru at work because I've had a nice meal ready to take along. My husband and I have had our juice each morning and I've had a delicious breakfast at the ready. I'm down 4 pounds! Small changes pay off.

I don't know that I'll spend as much time in the kitchen as I did last weekend, but doing the juice-prep and having breakfasts ready will be a strategy that I'm going to keep.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Diet is still a four letter word.

Diets work, if you can commit and stick. Once you "go off" said diet the pounds pile on so easily, yet it is so hard to get back on. I've tried just about every diet and have been successful for a time, as long as I can stand the white knuckles. I don't do well with restriction, it triggers my binge mechanism to beat the band. I need to find a long term solution and a diet is not a long term solution. There are changes that have to be made, permanent ones. I have to try out some new strategies and see if I can make some of them work for me, for life.

I started having food issues at about 13, when my dad left and in my 26 years of yo-yo dieting, I've learned a few things. Limiting and counting calories is something that does not work for me. I need to feel like I'm having enough to eat so that I don't go into binge mode. I definitely feel better when I limit bad carbs and processed foods. I also feel better when I have freshly extracted fruit and veggie juice every morning. I like journaling but don't feel like tracking every bite that goes into my mouth. Blogging my thoughts and tracking my journey might be a useful tool.

There are some new strategies that I want to try. I bought the book The Four Day Win by Martha Beck. It sat collecting dust for the past few months but now I'm ready to pick it up. The other is Paul McKenna's 4 Golden Rules. I'm going to blog my thoughts on these plans and plot my progress or lack thereof.

Putting it out there!

I got on the scale this morning, something that I don't love doing. I mean denial and avoidance is how I got myself into this pickle in the first place. But in the interest of giving honesty and accountability a try, I'm putting it out there. I weigh *cringe* 277 pounds. There it is.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Exercise, ugh!

It's not so much that I hate to exercise, but I have such a hard time getting started. I wish exercise didn't seem like a chore, like something that will cut into my free time, the limited time that I get to do exactly what I want to do rather than ticking off items on my "to do" list.

I'm by no means slothful or completely lazy. Sure, I love to watch TV, read and surf the Internet, but I also work as Geriatric nurse 3 evenings a week, I keep a clean house, the laundry is always done, towels and linens are always clean. The pantry is always stocked and there is good (more often than not home made by me) food to eat. It doesn't get done by itself. I don't have children but making my sure my husband is scrubbed, fed, clothed and happy is a priority and he's worth it.

An attitude adjustment is needed on my part and badly. A change in the way I think. Eating healthy and getting physical activity is something that is essential to living a long and healthy life. As a nurse, I see my future if I don't change. Diabetes, which leads to blindness and amputations, stroke, which often comes with loss of speech and paralysis and heart disease which often leads to death.

My self-indulgence (over-indulgence) is going to do me in, sooner rather than later now that I'm staring down 40. Time to stop punishing myself because daddy didn't (doesn't) love me more than himself, his harpy of a wife, his horses, his dog and his cats. Time to stop heading for the kitchen if Rob and I have a disagreement or if I have a tough shift at work.

Time to start treating myself with some love and care. I'm fragile, but I'm also strong. I have to care for the fragile bits and cultivate my strength. It's just time.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Double Whammy

Having been dealt what my sister and I call "the chubby gene" as well as being a child of divorce, I suppose I didn't have a prayer in having a normal relationship with food.

My father, a compulsive liar turned Martha Stewart wanna-be, and I haven't had an honest conversation in my entire life. My relationship with my mother (an anti-Martha with anger management issues) remains perfect just so long as we tell her how wonderful our upbringing was.
I just turned 39 and still haven't learned how to cope with emotions outside of the pantry door. I could go on and on but I'm tired of it. The buck has to stop here, I've got to pick my pannus up by its bootstraps and shift my ass into gear if I want to be in a semi-fit and healthy state before middle age sets in.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Time for a change?

Being uncomfortable in my own skin has become an everyday feeling. I used to be able to push it aside, burying it under comfort food and martinis but now it's becoming so oppressive I can no longer ignore it. Question is, how can I fix it?