Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Expectations

Let me talk for a moment about expectations. Not the ones we hold for ourselves but the kind that comes from others. Yesterday a family member brought in a beautiful cake to thank the staff for taking such good care of her mother. It was a beautifully decorated homemade cake. She brought it at change of shift and the day supervisor was cutting up small squares for the off going and on coming staff to enjoy.

I picked up a plate with a two-inch square of cake to enjoy (though I admit I picked the corner because the frosting is the best part. I've always said that cake is really just a frosting delivery system.) Well, you would have thought that I had ripped off all my clothes and started doing patient care buck ass naked, such were the looks I got from several of my co-workers. This isn't me being paranoid, one of the looks was even accompanied by a naughty finger wag!

There was time when this would have enraged me enough to justify eating five pieces of cake, but it's different now, I'm different now. I had a laugh to myself, savored my cake and went to work. My co-workers seem to think that I only eat carrots and apples like a quarter horse, after all, how else have I managed to lose weight. HA! My journey to health and fitness isn't one of deprivation and white-knuckle moments. It was a small piece of cake, I don't eat it every day but I will be honest, I would never have been able to lose 93 pounds if had been told to do so that I would never be able to eat cake again.

Many times over the years have expectations from external sources kept me from losing weight or keeping it off. But I realize now that it was just another excuse to carry on in my old habits. My health is my responsibility and no one else's. The only expectation I have now is that this journey is for life. Life that will include carrots and apples, roast chickens and fresh juice, long walks and yes, even the occasional piece of cake.

4 comments:

  1. What a great observation. I never know what's worse, the finger-wag if I'm in a losing-weight zone and choose to have a piece, or the eye-roll if I don't. We can't win! Good thing that our success isn't determined by anyone but ourselves...

    thanks!
    Steph

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  2. You are so right! We are never going to be perfect and it is not so bad to have a small piece it you can keep it at that. Although sometimes are much harder than others! BTW I came up with an amazing low-cal Dark Chocolate Pudding Recipe that is only 140 per serving! That would not be so bad right!? :) http://dietfix.blogspot.com/

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  3. I can't believe people who think they have the right to monitor what others eat. Good for you for being in a grounded place so that you could laugh rather than become enraged.
    BODA weight loss

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  4. I remember days when a comment/look would drive me to eat 5 pieces of cake just to spite the offender. Because, really, eating 5 pieces of cake punishes THEM, not me, right? Right? *tap* *tap* *tap* Anyone there? lol

    *sigh* Not only can I remember those days, I still have them, now and then. My mom is a particular trigger for me, and I swear she probably doesn't even pay attention to what I eat anymore!

    How'd you get from the place where you could let go of the way others' reactions to your actions didn't drive your behaviors anymore?

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